Hope you’re enjoying your new job as England boss. I must say since your appointment last August, I’ve been feeling much more relaxed and secure as an England supporter.

What a great run of games we’ve had since you took over. I particularly enjoyed the 6 hour traffic jam of getting to Old Trafford to watch that exciting 0-0 clash with Macedonia last October. A game that you followed by employing much needed tactical changes against Croatia by fielding an experimental 3-5-2 formation, which saw us crash out 2-0 on that occasion. I sure am glad I bothered making the trek to Zagreb, taking 3 days off work and spending 600 quid on tickets, airfares and hotels to witness that one.

I am absolutely delighted you got the job over a manager with actual experience. Had you not managed to fluke your way into the appointment, I am not sure I would be quite as happy an England supporter as I am right now.

You see Stevie, for the first time in my life, I’ve been able to let go and get off of the heart wrenching rollercoaster that being an England supporter entails. It’s never happened before, but for the first time on Wednesday, I watched an England game and I actually didn’t care whether we won or lost. In fact at times I think I was actually hoping Spain would get a much deserved win.

I even managed to crack a smile when they scored - you have no idea how good it feels to be able to say “I just don’t care anymore”.

And all of this is thanks to you Stevie. See, I want you gone so bad, i've started wanting England to lose. Infact, I’d rather England lose the next 10 matches in a row, if it means I can get my wish and see you replaced with a manager of the calibre England deserves. Hell, I’d take 4-0 losses against Scotland and Germany if it means it’s the last post match interview I have to endure your feeble oh-so wearisome excuses, replete with fat, po-faced grin.

I wish I could talk for longer Steve, but I need to get to Ladbrokes and take up the very generous 2-1 odds of you being out of a job before the Euros. With a bit of luck I will make back some of the money I have wasted on watching the ‘new era of English football’ you always promised you would usher in. And, if there's some kind of miracle, just maybe your replacement will have enough experience to be able to pull us out of the mess you're making of our national side.
 
In the meantime Stevie, feel free to go back to what you do best, working out what the hell you’re going to use as your next excuse for England’s forthcoming debacle against Israel.
 
All the Best,

Tony

P.S. I wasn't serious about losing against Scotland.

By Tony Livesee