Due to the current unrest in Israel, UEFA have shocked the footballing world by announcing that the Liverpool v Maccabi Haifa Champions League Qualifier will be played on the Moon.

UEFA spokesman Larry Litter told us “Yes it’s true, it’s the only safe location for this game to take place. We looked at other locations such as Germany, but even there, the players could be drawn into the dangerous, dark world of Euro POP and bad denim clothing, we just cannot take that chance”.
 
There was a worry that Peter Crouch would have to miss the match due to there being no Size 582 spacesuits available.  However, after EF's exclusive robot expose (Crouch wasn't pretending to be a robot EatFootball - July 2006), his real robot identity is no longer being kept secret, and as everybody knows, robots don't need spacesuits or oxygen. 
 
A close ex-girlfriend of Crouch told us “Peter is delighted.  He is going to be the main focus in this game and will certainly be wowing the crowds with his anti gravity feet and anal rocket boosters.

"His only concern is if the lack of gravity on the moon will adversely affect his penalty taking." 

Judging from his penalty against Jamaica, EatFootball thinks we can reasonably assume the lack of gravity will make no noticeable difference.

The BBC will be showing the moon-match live, with Buzz Aldrin appearing as a special guest alongside Lineker in the match of the day studio.  They are also featuring a pre-match live feed of the event, which EF has been granted exclusive access to.

NASA have agreed to police the game, and have equipped all cyber police with stun laser guns incase of Klingon attack.  It's believed there is now a huge Man Utd following within the Klingon community since the arrival of Darren Fletcher into the team.

Space rockets are due to leave Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport two weeks before kick off and fans have been advised to wear woolly jumpers and hats as it might be a bit cold.

Lucky scousers who will be going told EF “Our only concern is that with everyone cooped up in spacesuits and wooly jumpers, that the game may be lacking the usual Anfield atmosphere."

By Karlos the Jackal

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